First pass at a public comment for the new baby sling regulations.

I have been a babywearing educator and advocate for 20+ years, since not long after my first child was born. Our first sling was a stretchy wrap. Our second, a pouch. I spent 5 minutes looking at the pouch, went to my sewing machine, and converted my wrap to several pouches, and used those to carry my then-toddler for months. So you could say I “designed” my first carrier just over 20 years ago. A few months later, a doula client of mine said she’d dreamed of turning a bed sheet into a sling by tying the corners–I blinked at her, said, “Not like that” and a few minutes later we’d fashioned a “hammock style” (to use the language of this proposed regulation) sling out of a queen-sized bedsheet folded, and then knotted at her shoulder. She cried, because it meant she could make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, now having two hands free–with a fussy infant, she’d been subsisting on ramen noodles for weeks because she could make them one-handed.

I say this to demonstrate the utter impossibility of any regulation or rule ever eliminating babywearing, as some have suggested, and also the difficulty of trying to micromanage micro-mini-cottage-type businesses. If a woman can make a baby carrier out of a sheet with no advanced training, no internet (this was 1994) and no babywearing community supporting her, you will always, always have people sewing for friends and family and neighbors.

A few months later, at a Midwifery Today conference, a “tricks of the trade” circle at which many midwives from around the world were in attendance taught a couple hundred midwives that a similar bedsheet could be used as a warm climate back carrier (obi-style wrap), a cold-climate back carrier (Inuit summer style), a front “pack” (two shoulder rebozo front carry with no knots), a back torso carrier (think kanga-style)… this was a bedsheet older than I was, thin, worn, pilled, probably poly cotton, washed hundreds of times. And still functional.

It takes a lot for a fabric to be truly unsuitable for babywearing. I have seen it. I’ve made carriers that ended up in the garbage a few minutes later because my own quick test with a doll said that they would not hold up a feather, let alone a baby. One manufacturer sent me a carrier which had one layer of twill on one side and one layer of silk on the other…. but it was a mei tai, so all the stress went on the shoulder strap seam, which failed in the middle of putting my child on my back. I’ve seen ring slings with big rings and thin, slippery fabric.

But the worst carriers I’ve seen, the ones that I would dub completely unsafe from the start, were put out by large corporations. Far from the relatively unstructured ring slings that are most common today, they actually gave directions and harnessed children into positions which were inherently unsafe, and prone to positional airway issues. The Infantino Slingrider debacle never should have been allowed to go on as long as it did. We were warning people against those carriers for years before they were recalled, to the point of going up to people in grocery stores and begging them to use something else. I started trading people for something in my stash just to get the dang things out of the used/resale market, and took to buying every one I found there. We can’t dismiss it as impossible for a design or fabric to be faulty–they clearly can.

We have come incredibly far in the babywearing community. With my first child, I had no clue what was out there, and thought I just “needed a snuggli or something”… my midwife directed me to a stretchy wrap, Mothering Magazine to a pouch. By the time my second child was born in 2005, there had been an explosion in the number and types of baby carriers on the market. From maybe a dozen or two, to hundreds, in a little over a decade. By the time my third child was born in 2012, taking to other pregnant moms, it wasn’t a question of whether people were going to wear “those sling things”, but , “Which stretchy wrap are you going to get? I can’t decide whether to get my husband an Ergo or a Boba or a Beco.”

We have managed tremendous feats of education of the general public around the whole idea of babywearing, and around babywearing safely. But there is also room for colossal failure. When longtime babywearing educators promote cutting the bottoms off of t-shirts and using them as a Ktan-style carrier, we have a problem. Many people might be able to make something like that work…but there are so many potential failure points that it is terrifying to contemplate. The price of failure is so high…

There has to be some middle ground. I’ve always been opposed to certification, but maybe we need an option for manufacturers to get certified in making sound fabric choices, in understanding the mechanics and safety considerations. Even a $300 or $500 course would be more manageable and would not eliminate the possibility of bespoke/semibespoke carriers.

Hip Dysplasia and babywearing?

This is mostly a “catch all” post pulling together things I’ve written other places. So it’s not perfectly organized, but keeps me from having to sift through years of Facebook posts to find these things.  Most of these are from late summer/early fall 2012.

A while ago I posted this (just so that we’re clear that I am REALLY not a fan of the Baby Bjorn original style carrier):

Look, hate the Bjorn because it’s not comfortable for heavier babies. Hate it because it’s an awkward thing. Hate it because it turns people away from babywearing as “too uncomfortable” at a time when babywearing becomes supremely useful. But terrifying parents that they’ve damaged their children’s spines by using a bjorn for a few hours a day for a couple of months? SHOW ME THE GODDAMNED RESEARCH. Bjorns are not the same as swaddling or cradleboards, which CAN cause hip problems.

Yes, there are better, cheaper, whatever carriers out there. But let’s not make parents feel like shit about something that’s probably better for their kid than hanging out in a carseat all day (and we’ve got research on why that’s not a good idea…)

This was posted:

Along with a link to Boba’s blog and a rant about front facing out being awful.

I responded:

I’d really like to see the research specific to the Baby Bjorn that says that that kind of carrier causes hip dysplasia. Swaddling the hips tightly, sure, but the Bjorn is not the same position as a tight swaddle, and swaddling tends to be done 24/7 whereas babywearing (especially facing out) is very time limited in comparison. 

I don’t like the Bjorn for a lot of reasons, but I think it is hyperbole to tell parents they are harming their child by using it, and I’m tired of us not supporting parents in doing what it takes to nurture their babies in a way that works for them. 

It is very easy to get snobby and elitist about “good” carriers vs. bad carriers, but I really just love seeing people wear their babies however is comfortable for them and their baby. If the Bjorn is working for someone, great, I just hope they don’t stop babywearing entirely when their baby gets too big for the Bjorn. 

As for front facing out… People need to get a grip. Overstimulated babies show clear signs of overstimulation. They yawn. They hiccup. They rub their eyes. They cry. They go to sleep. If your baby is not doing those things, your baby is probably not overstimulated, and front facing out isn’t hurting him. One of the arguments FOR babywearing is that babies get more stimulation being up at parent-level. So again, making parents feel bad because it’s not a position you like? Really not cool. 

I’ve been babywearing for more than 19 years, and doing babywearing education for 18 years, and I have seen some wacky and dangerous carriers. The Bjorn is merely short-lived and potentially uncomfortable. 

The spine-and-hip development argument started with an opinion by a chiropractor, and what has followed from that is essentially a circle-jerk of people referencing each other, NOT research, not anything scientifically defensible. What we do know is that babies in arms tend to cry less and be happier than babies who are not worn. We know that we get more done without making our babies scream while we do it when we wear our babies. We know that babies airways need to be protected. We know that we should stay alert and aware of our babies while they are being worn. We do not know if the few hours a week most Bjorn users use the carrier are actually harmful, but the odds are low that they are.

If there was good, solid research showing the bjorn was harmful to spinal development, there would be a huge fuss from doctors and we’d be scrambling to differentiate the bjorn from other carriers in the eyes of the public. There is not. So until there is, give families a break, and be glad that that baby on the left is grinning…. and what the dad is doing looks like fun too. The baby on the left is attached to mama, and that’s the important thing, no?

 

 

So then….
I contacted the International Hip Dysplasia Institute to ask them about what research they had to support their claim that Bjorn-style carriers cause hip dysplasia, since their graphic was being used all over the Internet to support that claim. Here is their response:

From the IHDI Medical Advisory Board –

Thank you for contacting us and expressing your concern.

The International Hip Dysplasia Institute does not endorse or advice for or against any type of infant carrier. As you have noted, there are many benefits from baby wearing that must be weighed against any potential for harm to the hips. You are correct that there is no evidence for or against baby carriers as a cause of hip dysplasia. It is regrettable if our statments are being used inappropriately as “evidence” as you have indicated. However, there is ample evidence that hip dysplasia is influenced by environmental factors including swaddling. More than 90% of hip dysplasia is discovered in adolescents and young adults as early onset arthritis. Those individuals did not have neonatal hip instability that is the widely recognized form of early dysplasia. This suggests that the hips in the arthritic variety do not develop properly at some point in time although they were not detectable during infancy. Breeds of dogs that are susceptible to hip dysplasia have normal hips at birth and do not develop the arthritic form of hip dysplasia when they are prevented from walking until six weeks of age. In human studies, hip dysplasia is more common in Northern climates and in those born during winter months. Thus, there are potential influences for hip dysplasia besides swaddling. Our advice is to maintain the hips in a natural position for the first few months of life while the joint is forming, ligaments are often loose, and muscle contractures are still present.

We hope that this response is helpful to you. Should you have any further questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to ask, we will help in any way that we are able to.

Regards,

Susan Pappas
Assistant to Charles T. Price, MD, FAAP
Director International Hip Dysplasia Institute

So there you go. I’d buy swaddling as something that exacerbates hip dysplasia, but swaddling and bjorns are entirely different, stress-wise.

Another post…

So it’s driving me crazy how the babywearing community seems to have turned into piranhas about this carrier or that carry being “unsafe” or “bad” simply because they don’t fit some perfect ideal of what babywearing should look like in that person’s mind. Y’all know how much I love babywearing, but carriers are TOOLS.

Babywearing is something that may approach religion for some, but for most is simply a convenience. If I’m just hauling the baby from the car to the couch, I may stuff my kid in the top of a mei tai, standing in it, hanging half out of it with one hand holding him in. Is is perfect babywearing? No. Would it be safe if I took my hand off him or was trying to wear him for hours? No. Is it functional for the 40 steps from the car to the couch? Sure.

There are MANY carriers out there that are not perfect. For me, wraps are not perfect, especially for back carries. My teenager could tell you how many times she’s rescued the baby off my back with me with a sour expression on my face because something went horribly wrong while I was trying to get a specific back carry to work. I have mobility issues right now. While I *can* bend more than most people, I really shouldn’t because it damages me. So there are back carries that just aren’t functional for me. Does that make wraps “bad carriers” or “inherently unsafe” just because I can’t get it right? No. It just means they aren’t the right carrier for ME with this baby, at this stage in my life with this mobility level.

And don’t get me started on front facing out. After watching my friend Kimberly carry her daughter on her hip facing out(without a carrier), and watching many men carry their babies sitting facing out on their arms like their arm was a chair, I cannot abide the argument that front facing out is “unnatural” and I get stabby when people start ranting about how it overstimulates babies or will somehow warp their hips for life. How about instead we talk about how to wear babies in a way that is in touch with what they need? How about we talk about being in tune with signs of overstimulation (hiccuping, yawning, looking away in tiny babies, getting hyper in older babies, rubbing eyes, griping) and that an overstimulated baby should be turned around? How about we discuss getting babies into a well-supported position instead of scaring parents that somehow they’ve damaged their babies? Trust me, they haven’t.

I will say this. There is no one right way to wear babies. There is no one perfect carrier that works “best” for every situation or family. People need to get off their high horses and get some perspective.

Some gorgeous babywearing photos have been posted recently, and the comments are full of how those parents are doing it wrong. GET A GRIP, PEOPLE!!!! Just because you don’t like wearing your ergo on your hips and your baby throws a hissy if he can’t see over your shoulder doesn’t mean that smiling baby on his daddy’s back is somehow miserable because he’s “too low”. Talk about off-putting. You want more people to wear their babies? How about you don’t criticize every detail of how they wear their babies? Save it for the real unsafe stuff, like babies deep in pouches with their chins on their chests and blankets over their heads. Save it for the situations where real safety issues are present. Quit giving people a hard time because it’s a bjorn or it looks funny to you or wasn’t what you were taught.

 

The nice thing is that the dominant attitude among most babywearing experts that I know (and I know a lot of babywearing experts) is now “Practice, not product”, which teaches that babywearing is a skill, not a specialty item. And in that vein:

http://canadianbabywearingschool.com/?p=17
“Practice, not product”

http://canadianbabywearingschool.com/?p=749
“Why is Arie wearing a Bjorn?” How to make a bjorn more comfortable.

http://beltwaybabywearers.blogspot.com/2014/02/lets-get-real.html
Awesome, awesome post on babywearing as a practice and a skill, and getting past the “quest for perfection” that can be so defeating.

 

And an amusing postscript… Bjorn has made a website saying basically what I’ve been saying (we don’t have research to say front facing out is bad). But they recently announced a carrier that they are developing in conjunction with the IHDI, with better hip position. It is hard to imagine how better hip position would NOT create a more comfortable carrier. So yay, change.

And lest anyone jump in with “if you had hip issues you might take this more seriously…”

I have hip issues. I have hip issues galore. In me, they are not caused by being worn in a frontpack. They are caused by childbirth. And having Ehlers Danlos through three pregnancies. (I was born with uneven creases and developed severe hip pain during the birth of my second child, and have been dealing with hips that don’t like to stay properly aligned and a sacrum that goes wonky at the drop of a hat ever since. None of which has ANYTHING to do with how I was carried in infancy.)

Duct Tape Baby Carrier

So, back in 2006, in preparation for the first International Babywearing Conference, I made this:

Jenfront2006

Yes, this is a duct tape mei tai. And that’s wee Shiny at 16 months old.

Kristi

I designed it to be reversible. Kristi Hayes-Devlin of Wrapsody demonstrated it as a back carrier, with the reverse side showing.

 

sleepyshinyduct

Once I buffered Shiny’s skin with a scarf, she fell asleep. It was pretty comfy, all things considered.

 

gabiback

 

Gabi, who founded Beco, was inspired. With a pillowcase and a couple long strips of duct tape, she made a podaegi. Someone added a pair of sling rings to turn it into an onbuhimo at some point.

 

gabiside

 

It was epic. And pretty legendary. I always thought about making another duct tape carrier but never quite had sufficient motivation. A full duct tape mei tai takes about $20 of tape and 2 1/2 to 3 hours worth of work. It’s actually easier to make a carrier out of fabric. With a duct tape carrier you’re basically making the fabric, as well as the carrier.

Fast forward from August of 2006 to January of 2014. How is it possible that over 7 years have passed? And pray tell, how could *I* possibly forget ALL my baby carriers at home? Every one. My car had been cleaned out thoroughly, so no stragglers. And we were in Seattle, at a filk convention, with a rambunctious two year old who decided that running away was the new game of the moment.

I considered, briefly, hijacking a bedsheet. But I had to go to the store anyway, and thought, “You know, if after 20 years of babywearing I can’t come up with something more fun than a plain white hotel bedsheet, I’m clearly doing it wrong.”

Four rolls of duct tape and two and a half hours later, I had this:

2014ductback

flatfront

That, my dears, is a fixed-strap half mei tai, custom sized for Miles and for me. I knew I wouldn’t use it on the front, so no need to waste tape and time and effort making the top straps adjustable. I didn’t want a whole lot of bulk around his middle, and knew where the stresses and supports needed to be, so I shaped it. Made the waist band long enough to do tibetan style, knowing that every step I could take to pull the tape straps out of my armpits would add half an hour to the time I could wear this. Plus, tibetan style, I would not have to knot the duct tape straps–I just went back and forth a couple times between the two straps and the friction held everything VERY securely in place.

2014milesonback

2014ductfront

He looks a lot like his sister.

I used it all weekend, for up to a half hour or so at a time. It worked best when I wrapped a scarf (bought one with the duct tape, just in case) around his bum and my waist, drawing his weight in lower down. But even without, was quite serviceable. Not as good as a padded toddler carrier, but certainly as comfy or more comfy than the vast majority of other carriers.

20 1/2 years of babywearing.

Yep, I still got it.

 

Now, for some technical details, rules I follow, because while I am not RECOMMENDING that others try this, I know some people probably will and it would be wise for people to observe some safety guidelines.

1. No adhesive is to come in contact with baby, and should not come in contact with the wearer once the carrier is finished.

2. ALL places on the carrier must have at least 4 layers of tape, and any non-strap area must have tape running in multiple directions. I make a “sheet” of duct tape fabric by lining the tape up in one direction, then applying tape to the glue side at a different angle. I used no scissors in the making of the most recent one, but the tidiest result will happen if you make a big sheet of rough-edged double-layer “fabric” out of duct tape and then trim the edges.

3. Attention to strap safety is a must. The straps on this are four layers thick… and they are reinforced where they join the body. In fact, I applied the straps when there were two layers of duct tape to the body, and then went over the top with more layers of tape, creating one large “piece” shaped and strapped.

4. Finish edges with half-strips of tape. This will prevent tearing and keep the glue off everyone’s skin.

5. If you are planning on wearing baby on the front, DO make longer top straps and go the mei-tai route. If you are not going to use it as a front carrier, you can do fixed straps. I did this with help from my husband, tying the carrier around my waist while he held our son in place, then measuring the length of the top straps on our bodies. If you want a more SSC style carrier you’re going to need to get some side release buckles, and at that point you might as well sew the darned thing out of fabric, it will be more comfy.

6. Rulers are not needed. I used a piece of folded-over tape to measure from the front of one of his armpits, around his back, to the front of his other armpit, and then added some width for tape. I measured from the back of his neck to the front of his crotch, and from knee to knee across his bum. That set the width of top and bottom and the length of the carrier (essentially tied apron style, though that’s not how I put it on.) The bottom straps I just made “plenty long”.  The hourglass middle is a little wider than the width of his back and positioned near his hips. His legs are well enough supported. If I”d been less tired I might have shaped the body and made it a little wider in the middle.

7. The core of this is relatively inexpensive silver standard duct tape. Decorative print duct tape is much spendier, so save it for the outer later. All layers are structural, but having a core of 2 layers of silver and then making it completely covered with decorative tape to the point where no silver shows guarantees sufficient tape throughout.

Duct tape is very strong lengthwise, but is designed to tear. This is why multidirectional tape is a must in all places and finished edges are a must. Most fabrics are designed this way!

This required no sewing, no hardware, no scissors, no rulers. It is custom and fitted to us, but not “share-able” the way a full four-strap mei tai would be.

Combining duct tape and fabric is possible, but you need to pay attention to stresses and reinforcement.

Every time you wear a carrier, no matter what it is made from, you MUST check it for wear. A $20 duct tape carrier WILL wear out with use, duct tape is not designed to withstand constant flexing and friction, so you do need to check it every single time, especially at stress points.

I am more comfortable using a duct tape carrier on an older baby or toddler. For an infant I’d rather use a bedsheet. This is a good “In a pinch” carrier, but duct tape is not designed for babies to mouth. On a mei tai, you can “dress” the mei tai with a long sleeved shirt to protect baby from the tape, if you must.

These are really best for short term use, and in situations where you want to get people talking about babywearing. I took my first duct tape carrier to the SCA…

It could be worse

Jumble of things today… the holiday season is bearing down on us (pun intended) and two friends just had babies at home. Oh, I am happy for them but it is so bittersweet. I am so, so done. Having surgery in a month so that can never happen ever again done. It could be worse, I could be pregnant. (well, not really, my fertility not having yet returned and me yet being too paranoid to risk anything that could possibly cause pregnancy). But I have several friends due in December and oh, I do not envy them. I’m remembering suddenly how sick I was a year ago. That was bad. I mean, it was SO bad. For those not on LJ, I came down with a lower respiratory nasty at, oh, 32? 34? weeks… and at 36-ish weeks a rib dislocated while I was coughing. During my pregnancy with Shiny I’d had whooping cough from 22 weeks to 36 weeks and cracked a rib at 28 weeks and THAT was bad enough without a baby landing on the broken rib every time I moved. I joked in early pregnancy that “At least I can’t get whooping cough this time”. No, I got pneumonia instead. It’s very possible that if I had not, Miles would have been born at home.

I do mourn that lost homebirth, for all his birth at the hospital went as well as one could possibly expect under the circumstances. I take that back. It was absolutely unreasonable how badly the epidural went and how much relief it did not give me, but  given that I was able to push him out without help and was able to stand minutes after the birth to deliver the placenta, it could have been worse. I’ve hidden many of the midwives on my friend list on Facebook, mostly because it hurts to see radiant, happy mamas glowing over their homeborn babies because I want to be happy for them but just feel this niggling regret that I didn’t, and won’t, and never will again, and don’t even want to at this point. And because there were so many, many lies I was told, that keep getting told, that I just can’t listen to anymore because I’ll say something I’ll regret that won’t make a thing easier for anyone.

It bubbles up because I know the lights are coming. I dreamed of pushing my son out into the world by the light of a Christmas Tree… we brought a tiny little USB tree to the hospital and I could not even see it… I birthed him in the middle of the afternoon and it was behind me and oh well. My Christmas baby turned into a New Year’s Baby and then not even that, he has his own day and it’s probably better but having a due date of December 25 is something I’ll probably never quite let go. I love Christmas lights, and wonder if I will love them so much now…

He took his first stumbling step two days ago. It has gone so fast and I feel like I should be mourning his lost infancy, but I’m not. It has all been harder than I thought it should be, but unlike his sisters, he has not kept me waiting, not since he was born. I have not had to wonder, “When will he….” because he does things so much earlier than I expected. The other two fit the personalities of their births so exactly… Miles makes me wonder if I’d not gotten sick, if he might have come flying into the world at 38 weeks, catching me completely off guard. It would suit him better.

Anyway, I started this a couple days ago, thinking on the way home from the bus, “This walk could be worse. I could be trying to do this without an ample selection of the most comfortable baby carriers known to Mom.”

Some things I love about babywearing

Babywearing lets me take my kids places I wouldn’t otherwise be willing or able to go. Shopping. The Panama Canal. Down the stairs at a week postpartum. But more than that, it spares me pain. The right carrier can be more comfortable in some circumstances than not holding the baby at all.

But more than that, babywearing is accessible. If you have a torso, you can babywear. You don’t have to be strong, or even able to walk, to babywear. You don’t have to birth a certain way, or feed your baby in a certain way, or go to a certain church, or parent according to a specific method. You don’t even have to be a parent to babywear–my foster son was worn by his childcare providers. My middle child and younger child have both been worn by their big sister.

Babywearing is not something that requires years of training. Give me a bedsheet and in 10 minutes I can turn someone into a babywearer. Give me a mei tai and it will take less than 5. It is possible to become an expert babywearer, but it is by no means necessary to be an expert to do it and do it well.

Babywearing does not require special or fancy tools. I’ve seen acceptable baby carriers made out of duct tape. Out of bedsheets. Out of clothing items. Towels. If you understand the underlying principles, you are never without a carrier (though you may need to be without a shirt to manage it. 😉 )

But most of all, babywearing puts the baby where the baby needs to be, while making the lives of everyone a little bit quieter, a little bit easier, and a little bit safer.

 

Oh, and for those who want to know how to turn a sheet into a sling, this is the sexy way to do it: http://youtu.be/YAWAk4svsl8

I just tied a knot and called it good, her method is adjustable.

International Babywearing Week

Babywearing International is thriving. This makes me very happy. When I began babywearing almost 19 1/2 years ago, there were no babywearing groups. A mom could go to a La Leche League meeting and meet other mothers who breastfed, and chances were good you’d see a few babies in padded ring slings or front packs, a wrap if you hit the hippie jackpot. I told my midwife I needed “a Snugli or something”.

She said, “No, you need a Baby Bundler.”

Shelley from Baby Bundler came out to my little duplex apartment and taught me how to do a basic front wrap cross carry, while I was pregnant. Two weeks after my daughter was born, I wrapped us up in the carrier and went to the grocery store. I nursed my baby in the wrap while grocery shopping, and that was the first moment I thought I might be getting the hang of the whole Mom thing. I was 21.

I wish I could say that I wrapped constantly. But the Bundler is wide, and thick, and it was summer and hot, and so wrapping was something that happened when I was desperate or just could not deal with the idea of the stroller on the bus. That was not the carrier that turned me into a babywearing evangelist.

When my daughter was 10 months old, she was about 25 pounds (having reached 24 pounds by 6 months old) and my arms were tired from carrying her all the time. She had not yet started crawling (though she did that month) and I felt like my left arm had locked into position lugging her pudgy self all over. New Native advertised their pouch as being simple, and they had a program to give carriers to low income moms. I was on welfare at the time, and she sent me a pouch.

It was too big, so I took it in about a foot to fit me better with a basting stitch. While I was doing so, I realized how simple the design was, and on a whim, turned my Baby Bundler into two pouches. The stretchy fabric combined with the simple shape was a dream come true, and I wore the heck out of those grape-colored pouches as my daughter went through her “up down” crawling stage.

But that’s not what turned me into a babywearing evangelist.

As part of working my way off of welfare, I was getting training as a doula and childbirth educator. Through a series of roundabout events, this resulted in me being in the home of a young mama who was struggling with a high-needs infant. She said, as I helped clean her house, “I’ve been living on Ramen, because I can make it with one hand and don’t have to put him down. I had a dream that I tied him on me with a bedsheet, at the corners, like an arm sling.”

A lightbulb went off, and I said, “No, you wouldn’t do it like that. Do you have an extra flat sheet?” She handed me one, and I folded it the long way, and the long way again, and wrapped it around her and her baby, and tied it at the shoulder snug… she pulled her arm away slowly and nearly burst into tears.

“I can make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich!” she exclaimed. “I have two hands free!”

THAT turned me into a babywearing evangelist. The very idea that a simple bedsheet could be tied without fuss to make an instant sling? It felt revolutionary.

Not terribly long after that, I attended a Midwifery Today conference. I brought along a very old, striped purple-and-white bedsheet. It had been given to my parents as a wedding present, I believe, so it was older than I was. I got up at the Tricks of the Trade circle, asked for a volunteer mama, and showed the midwives my sheet-as-sling.

It was one of the conferences where Jan Tritten had brought in traditional midwives from all over. We had Inuit midwives, Mexican midwives, and Japanese midwives, plus other midwives from around the world. One of the midwives from Alaska said, “Let me show you how we do it!” and helped the mama put her baby high on her back in a basic rucksack hold, using the bedsheet on the diagonal with the tail hanging down, tied under the bum. It looked warm, secure, and easy.

The Japanese midwife stepped forward and said, “Oh, we do the same thing, but it’s hotter where we are, so do this first…” and she proceeded to roll the sheet on the diagonal and showed us a basic strap rucksack carry.

The Mexican midwife stepped forward, waved off my purple sheet, and said, “I brought my own.” She unwrapped the rebozo from her shoulders and showed us a couple of quick ties, then said, “But you don’t even need knots.” She took the baby from our volunteer mama and wrapped and tucked the rebozo around the both of them, and then brought her arms away… we gasped, but the baby stayed snugly on her front. It’s still not a carry I teach to mamas, but it was very dramatic and fast.

It was amazing. Breathtaking. I left the conference inspired… but the other emotion I felt was a surprising amount of anger. Not at the wonderful midwives who’d shared these amazing carries with us… but at a society that would allow such techniques to be lost. Why had I not grown up tying my teddy bears to me? Why did not every child grow up knowing that if you had something heavy, a piece of cloth could help you carry it? All the special bags and gadgets in the world would not make up for the loss of that simple knowledge.

THAT, too, helped turn me into a babywearing evangelist. I went to work for Midwifery Today later that year, and as part of that job, ended up reviewing almost every carrier on the market at the time. I sewed stretchy interlock pouches for friends and doula clients, and taught everyone who would hold still for it that if they ever needed a carrier, a bedsheet would do in a pinch.

In 2000, I think it was, I sewed my first ring sling, and the MamaBaby was born. In 2003, I tried my first mei tai. In 2003, babywearing exploded, the mei tai revolution and good soft structured carriers combined with thebabywearer.com to bring babywearers together at ever increasing rates. Babywearing groups started to form independently, and Vijay Owens sat me down and said, “We need an international organization.”

I said, “Yes, and this is what it would look like.” We brainstormed and developed the ideas that would become NINO, (Nine In, Nine Out).

My second child was born in 2005, and the number of carriers sent to me was breathtaking. I sewed mei tais and even a buckle pack, and tried everything I could get my hands on.

By 2006 there were NINO groups all over the world, and I ran the first International Babywearing Conference in Portland, Oregon. People asked, “Why would we travel all that way to talk about slings?” Then they came to the conference and did not ask that question anymore.

NINO ended in 2007, but the need had been demonstrated, and Babywearing International was organized by others. Another conference was organized, and I planned to attend, but in 2008, just weeks before the conference, I nearly died from a pulmonary embolism. Flying was out of the question, let alone traveling with my special needs 3 year old.

I drifted away from babywearing for a couple of years, not having the energy to carry Shiny (my middle child), the local group faded as our babies aged out of babywearing.

In 2011, I was pregnant again with my last child. And decided to see what was going on in babywearing. A new group of mamas were starting to get together in my town, and were thinking about making an official group.

In 2012, my son was born, and I am again a babywearer. It is more important to me than ever, as I have fibromyalgia and a special needs 7 year old and I cannot get done what I need to get done without it. My firstborn is in college now, so every morning I strap my son to my back, get my daughter ready and take her to the bus. Every afternoon I strap him to my back and we pick her up from the bus, then I wear him while I shop with both kids. One of her more minor diagnoses is cerebral palsy–she walks, but it is difficult for her over long distances, so I need to put her in the cart. They don’t make a tandem stroller I can lift in and out of the car that would support her weight and his, so he rides on my back in stores.

Because of babywearing, I almost always have two hands free. And that, at the heart of it, is why babywearing is important. Not for some higher ideal of attachment parenting, but because it is essential to helping parents function.

I can make a sandwich. I can take my school-aged child to the bus. It’s that simple.

Babywearing and fibromyalgia

When I was in my early 20’s, with my first child, my favorite carrier was a stretchy pouch I’d made out of interlock. It was fast, easy, I could wear it all the time and just pop my daughter in and out. When Shiny came along years later, I was disappointed to discover that the combination of her low muscle tone and my increased pain level, I couldn’t really deal with any one-shouldered carriers. Mei tais were my life saver with her. Late in my babywearing career with her, I was given a Calyx buckle pack, and it was the last carrier I was able to use before she got flat out too heavy to carry.

I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia as an afterthought of sorts in 2008. Shiny was 3, I’d had a pulmonary embolism that year, my thyroid was wonky and I was being weaned off the steroids I”d been on to deal with an adrenal crash the year before.  I didn’t have the energy to carry her far, and bought the first stroller I owned with her.

When Miles was born, my fibro was in full swing. I gave birth in the middle of a fibro flare, and had them almost back-to-back for months after his birth.  But because he was small and light, I could use a stretchy wrap with him. Heck, when a baby is under 15 pounds, you can get away with almost anything, carrier-wise.

16 pounds and up, however, and things got harder. Front carrying was out. I can do it for short periods, while sitting. It’s easier than not wearing when he’s asleep on my chest, if I’ve got him high enough. But for routine everyday stuff? Back carries it is. So I got out my Calyx and fixed a strap that had come unstitched, reinforced it in a couple of places and put him on.

To say the heavens opened up and choirs sang is only a little hyperbolic. Finding a carrier that works for your body type and needs, that makes a 20 pound baby “weightless” on your back, is a godsend. I can get nearly that level of comfort, but not quite, from some of my larger, grippier mei tais, if I get everything just right. But the Calyx, with shaped shoulder straps and perfect padding and ideal angles on everything, is a little bit of magic for me.

Yesterday I found out just how much it’s been allowing me to do. My morning routine is challenging. I think it would be challenging for most people, with my weight, chronic pain, a 45 pound special needs 7 year old and a baby, it is very, very difficult. I try to get up without waking the baby. I don’t always succeed, which means that he screams at me while I put on clothes (one activity that is impossible for me while babywearing… putting on a bra), screams at me while I get his sister up, follows me, screaming, while I take her potty and get her dressed, because babywearing or no there is no way I can lift her 45 pounds while wearing his 20 pounds, not for long, not without injuring myself. I get her pointed downstairs, change his diaper (he’s still yelling) and then he goes on my back in the Calyx, and blissful silence descends instantly. I get her lunch, get her shoes on, he’s quiet and content. I push her in her wheelchair (the only time we use it is to and from the bus because she’s too slow and falls down a lot if we try to walk her to the bus) and throw a fleece jacket over Miles and me, and we go to the bus, get her loaded, then come back to the house. It’s a routine.

Yesterday… Yesterday I forgot to take the Calyx upstairs. I grabbed a mei tai, put him on my back. At first it was okay. But it was a baby-sized mei tai, not one I normally wear for long, and by the time I got her lunch, my back was screaming. We were  running late, so he stayed on my back in the mei tai to get to the bus. I was nearly in tears on the way home. My hips were screaming, my back spasming, my whole body hurt.  Later in the day I had physical therapy and  worked really hard.

I woke up this morning in so much pain… but putting him on in the Calyx… babywearing didn’t make it worse. I was in less pain walking back from the bus than I’d been when I got out of bed.

That’s the difference the right carrier can make.

But even with the best carrier I’ve ever owned… there are times when I simply cannot wear him. It breaks my heart, but there are times when I have to choose between holding him and making dinner, and we have to eat. But he is held much more than he would be otherwise, because I have the right carrier.

The Calyx is not being made anymore, which is sad. I find that of the carriers I’m using now, the Ergo Sport, the Kozy Carrier and the Tettitett are the most tolerable. I have a Kozy with extra long straps, and I wear it “Tibetan” style, and it is supportive and works for fairly long periods of time. The Tettitett is a toddler sized carrier, and works very well if I tie it perfectly. The Ergo Sport is a bit annoying to get on, but distributes the weight well.

The carrier I had so much pain with is not a bad carrier. It is actually very comfortable on the front and fine for shorter wearing on the back. It’s well made. Most moms would love it. But it’s not something I can get right the first time, every time, when I’m sleepy, rushed and in pain.

I wish I had the patience to really learn wrapping, but back wrapping has just never been very comfortable for me. I can do it but it’s not fast, and I have to put too much thought into it.

In the meantime, I have carriers that work for me. And my baby will figure out that me standing up without him is not the end of the world.

10 things about babywearing.

1. I always think i’m going to wear my newborn constantly. But I really don’t need to, because they sort of stay on my shoulder without a lot of effort while they’re under 10 pounds. That said, on the rare occasions I had to be up and out of bed in those first weeks, stretchy wraps (my favorite: Wrapsody Bali Baby Stretch) are a godsend. Put it on, pop them in, take them out, pop them back in again, lift them up, lay them in the outer passes to nurse, pop them back in again. VERY convenient, but something I only did when I was up and around. Babywearing while sitting at that stage is barely necessary for me.

2. Newborn backwearing is a gimmick and not worth the bother. I can do it, but even with boobs like mine I can’t nurse a newborn on my back (toddlers are another matter but we’re not going to talk about that…lol!) And newborns want to nurse a lot. They want to be changed a lot. Back wearing doesn’t even really start for me on a regular basis until 4 months or so because it is not really as convenient and it is MUCH harder to do with a shrimpy little infant than it is with a bigger baby whose legs reach where I need to cross straps. Realistically i’m going to front wear as long as my back can stand it, then move them to my back 90% of the time after that. The ONLY situation I find backwearing really helpful with a small baby is when cooking something involving hot liquids. It’s safer then.

 

3. It is less important to worry about whether your baby’s back and spine are “developing properly” and more important to pay attention to your baby’s cues and preferences. Most of my babies at about 2-4 months really prefer to face out when they go into a new environment… but rapidly tire. As soon as they start yawning, hiccuping, or turning their heads/closing their eyes, I turn them back around. 20 minutes is about as long as most babies that age can deal with facing forward in a busy store, but giving them that 20 minutes buys a ton of peace. Baby LOVED the hardware store, then would sleep through the next couple stops, facing in. The evidence just isn’t there when it comes to worries about hip/spine development and overstimulation, but common sense says you don’t keep a baby in any one position too long, especially if they show signs of discomfort. I’ve never used a Bjorn for longer than a few minutes, so I’m doing my front facing out with wraps (legs supported chair style), ring slings (baby buddha), and mei tais (also buddha, legs in).

4. No matter how lush and long my hair got when I was pregnant, the minute I start backwearing regularly it’s gone. Hair pulling hurts, and shorter hair is easier to keep out of reach. It’s the only thing I’ve found that reliably helps. 2 braids got me through with my first, but I looked like I was 12.

5. I can have dozens of carriers and I keep coming back to a small handful of favorites. One of them is not being made anymore (the Calyx) which is tragic. But the Kozy carrier and Tettitett ARE being made, and they are marvelous. 19 years worth of trying carriers out and I keep coming back to these three. Plenty of others I’ve liked fine, but for me and my body and the way I wear, these just make sense.

6. I have a problem with the Wrapsody stretch wraps. I call it Pokemon Syndrome. Namely, I keep getting more and not being able to loan them out, despite having given away more than 100 carriers in the past 20 years, I love the fabrics so that I just can’t make myself give them away. Except one. But I’d gotten a second rainbow one and the first one I didn’t like quite as well. I have four of these now. Wraps are like this. People get very, very weird about wraps and I don’t even USE my stretch wraps very often anymore and I still can’t give them away. They’re too pretty and I love them too much and I should probably just frame them and be done with it, they are that gorgeous. Gotta catch them all. Well, most of them. But I don’t NEED more. But somehow that doesn’t matter. Right. Anyway, like anything pretty made of cloth, carriers can be addictive if they’re pretty. And they are an expensive addiction. My husband should just be glad I didn’t get addicted to Didymos wraps.

7. Once a baby hits 16 pounds, backwearing is a must, and being able to put a baby on your back quickly and get on your way is a lifesaving skill to have. Learn the Santa Toss, my lovelies. Use it. Get good at it.

8. One of my children may well exist because I desperately wanted a baby to wear. No, I won’t tell you which one.

9. When you have a special needs child and fibromyalgia, sometimes you really do have to buy a stroller. She was 3.

10. Fibromyalgia sucks and means that sometimes the baby needs to scream for a little while while I make dinner because despite having the best baby carriers known to motherkind, it still fatigues me too much to cook and wear him on a day when I’ve gotten my special needs kiddo to the bus and back. He’ll be okay. I’m really RIGHT THERE talking to him. He’ll figure it out soon. No matter how boss I am with baby carriers, there are some times when I just don’t have it in me to have him on my body one more minute. That said, if I MUST have him in arms? THANK GOD for babywearing. Because I could not do so much of my life without it.