LOL! Posted with permission.
TTO: “American Pie”
Lyrics by Andrew Ross and Clif Flynt (Clif did the first verse, Andrew did the rest)
A long, long time ago
I can still remember how
That snack food used to make me smile.
And I knew if I had some cash
I could fill my little stash
And maybe I’d be happy for a while.
The checkout at the Quicker-Picker,
Between the Tums and rows of Snickers.
Cake with creamy filling.
I couldn’t be more willing.
I can’t remember if I cried
When the management and unions vied.
Those shelves went empty, deep and wide.
The day the Ding Dong died.
So, Bye-Bye, Twinkies, cupcakes & pies
Drove my golf cart to the Walmart but was left high and dry
And good ol’ boys were cutting off the supply
Saying, let ’em get their cake from Shanghai
Let ’em get their cake from Shanghai…
Did you read the Book of Lies
And do you support free enterprise
If Alan Greenspan tells you so?
Or do you have faith in Maynard Keynes?
Will priming pumps relieve our pains?
And can you teach me to consume real slow?
My younger years were full of fun
We cruised down Highway 61
America’s great dream
Was filled with soft white cream
While CEOs in stovepipe hats
Would laugh and stroke their Persian cats
And gorge themselves upon trans-fats
The day the Ding Dong died
But we were singing
Bye-Bye, Twinkies, cupcakes & pies
Drove my golf cart to the Walmart but was left high and dry
And good ol’ boys were cutting off the supply
Saying, let ’em get their cake from Shanghai
Let ’em get their cake from Shanghai…
Now, for decades you’ve been on your own
When bankers came to take your home
But that’s not how it used to be
When Pete Seeger sang to Mama Joad
And Kerouac was on the road
And this land was made for you and me
The Teamsters, miners, and the clerks
Were organized against the jerks
We had a living wage
It was our Golden Age
But while we passed around the plate
The working class was gaining weight
And Teamsters ate and ate and ate
The day the Ding Dong died
And they were singing…
Bye-Bye, Twinkies, cupcakes & pies
Drove my golf cart to the Walmart but was left high and dry
And good ol’ boys were cutting off the supply
Saying, let ’em get their cake from Shanghai
Let ’em get their cake from Shanghai…
Helter-skelter, from the Roosevelters
The birds flew offshore for tax shelters
Lower in cholesterol
While the unions took a station break
A cartoon cowboy dressed in yellow cake
Pelted them with glowing pink snowballs
We swore we’d not be underbid
On Captain Cupcake and the Kid
They were lavish with their praise
But we never got that raise
For the union busters took the field
The bakery boys refused to yield
Do you recall what was revealed
The day the Ding Dong died?
They started singing..
Bye-Bye, Twinkies, cupcakes & pies
Drove my golf cart to the Walmart but was left high and dry
And good ol’ boys were cutting off the supply
Saying, let ’em get their cake from Shanghai
Let ’em get their cake from Shanghai..
So there we were all bellyachers
While the overwriters and the undertakers
Closed the doors with false pretense
And there we were all in one guild
As the cookie crumbled and the Milk was spilled
‘Cause Twinkies are the Devil’s food defense
We lasted decades on the shelves
Till the cowboys shot the Keebler elves
No angel born in Hell
Could save our personnel
And while managers were going Galt
And Congressmen were finding fault
They turned our sugar to assault
The day the Ding Dong died
And they were singing…
Bye-Bye, Twinkies, cupcakes & pies
Drove my golf cart to the Walmart but was left high and dry
And good ol’ boys were cutting off the supply
Saying, let ’em get their cake from Shanghai
Let ’em get their cake from Shanghai..
I met a girl in workout shoes
And I asked he for some happy news.
She offered me a protein shake
I organized a few boycotts
Among the haves and the have-nots
And wondered if we’d ever get a fair shake.
But meanwhile, I’ve lost 30 pounds
My body’s breaking brand new ground
Improvements in nutrition
Put them out of commission
The junk food I once loved the most
Now just makes me feel ill and grossed
It served me once, but now, it’s toast.
That’s why the Ding Dong died.
So Bye-Bye, Twinkies, cupcakes & pies
Drove my golf cart to the Walmart but was left high and dry
And good ol’ boys were cutting off the supply
Saying, let ’em get their cake from Shanghai
Let ’em get their cake from Shanghai..
Bye-Bye, Twinkies, cupcakes & pies
Drove my golf cart to the Walmart but was left high and dry
And good ol’ boys were cutting off the supply
Saying, let ’em get their cake from Shanghai
