(and what we could do better) Okay, look, I cannot be the only parent who sat through Spiderman going, “Tony, you are fucking this up by the numbers,” can I? So, number one, you need to be trustworthy to your kids to the point where…Leave a Comment
Tell me it’s going to be okay. Tell me that it’s possible for me not to break everything I touch. How can I protect anyone if I can’t protect myself? How much do I need to forgive? How much do I need to be forgiven?…Leave a Comment
On to a new oral drug. lefluf something, IDK, i’m not allergic to it and it’s making me a little tired but not poisoned. And many more steroids. I’m not going on LJ anymore. Everything’s on Dreamwidth (jenrose) and here, and I’m on Tumblr.Leave a Comment
Sometimes it’s really hard to write about other people’s happy times when it reminds me of when I was strong and thought I could do almost anything.
Sometimes it’s an escape, but sometimes it’s just a really rough reminder of how hard I’m struggling right now.
The true answer to “How are you” behind the cut. It ain’t pretty.2 Comments
Long discussion of counteracting negative self talk for survivors of abuse, behind the cut.Leave a Comment
It’s my 45th birthday today, and thus time to take stock in what I’ve been doing and what I’m working on this year. Since January of 2016, I have written more than 360,000 words of fiction. This does not include blog posts, lengthy essays or…Leave a Comment
Someone on tumblr suggested that it was not ideal to answer criticism with “I’m a terrible person.” Someone else said, “But I say that because I feel that badly about myself.” Someone else suggested that was still manipulative and not a good thing to do.
Okay, life lesson time (or, “How to accept criticism like a rational adult and avoid pattern arguments when other people pull this nonsense.”)
When I was in my late teens and early 20s, I kept getting involved with people who would say, “Oh, I’m a bad person” any time I brought up ANYTHING that was the least bit of a disagreement.
Like, “Please don’t leave my X on the floor” would get, “Oh, I’m a horrible person!”
HERE’S WHY THIS IS A HUGELY PROBLEMATIC BEHAVIOR, and if you think I’m calling you out and you think you’re about to shut down, take a breath, remember that this is about learning, and keep reading.Leave a Comment
image says: NOW IS THE TIME that we cling together * for comfort and safety and hold each other * so that no one falls * or is lost tell me if you’re slipping * i’ve got two hands and a million wordsLeave a Comment
The world feels fragile and cold right now. There is a slick of ice coating every blade of grass, every rose branch, the grape arbor and the wisteria vines. The tomato cages look like clear white neon tubes in a glass garden, one lonely tomato…One Comment
For parents who have just had a child come out to them as trans, and who are having trouble reconciling that with conservative Christianity. It is playing with fire with a child to look them in the eye and tell them that what they feel…Leave a Comment
I don’t wear a pin because I’ve never been able to sit down and shut up when someone’s being an asshole to someone around me, and people have always been comfortable asking me for help or accepting help when offered, so it doesn’t feel necessary…Leave a Comment
About the black square… I looked at my profile pic on Facebook, on Tumblr, on my website—the best recent picture of me, smiling, and hopeful—and I didn’t feel it. I thought about the young trans people who committed suicide last night, convinced they’d never be…Leave a Comment
CW: frank discussion of depression, with mentions of body dysphoria, mostly upbeat.
I was answering this question in a private message, and decided to flesh it out here in case it helps someone.
What helped with my depression, behind the cut.One Comment
Realizations that made life easier this year. I don’t have to want what society tells me that people it thinks I’m like should want. It sucked being young, thin, and “pretty/passing” and while it is tiring being middle aged, fat, and disabled, a lot of…Leave a Comment
This is your kid. You don’t have to understand the process to know that no matter what, you want to be in your child’s life as a source of security and acceptance. It is time to let go of your expectations, your judgments. It is…Leave a Comment
When a baby is born, the first thing everyone wants to know is, “Is it a boy or a girl?” Even during pregnancy, parents often have an ultrasound scan, to look at a baby’s body and find out whether their baby has “boy parts” or “girl parts” before the child is born.
But what defines “boy” or “girl” doesn’t have a lot to do with the parts people have. Different groups of people define what it means to be male or female in many different ways. And people get messages from a lot of places about what it means to be male or female. The very idea that there are only male and female to choose from is not the same everywhere. Some cultures expect there to be three, five, or even more genders.
So what happens when someone tells you “boys are like this” or “girls are like that?” and “this and that” don’t seem to match up well to who you are? There are a lot of different ways that people respond to this feeling.One Comment
For All Students, Including Trans and Nonbinary Kids
Gender is something that traditionally has been taught in very simple ways. Penis means boy. Vulva means girl. Men are taller and stronger. Women are curvier and can get pregnant. People can be either male or female.
When someone who does not fit these rules joins or reveals themself to a group that has been taught these rules from early childhood, it creates a fundamental friction for some people, which essentially boils down to a feeling that, “This isn’t right, this person isn’t following the rules.”
But the rules are wrong. Gender is not simple. Gender is a social construct. So is binary sex. Physical sexual characteristics can run such a huge gamut that there is often as much variation within a “sex” as there is between sexes. There are many individuals who simply do not have bodies that line up well with our basic assumption that XY means male with penis and scrotum and XX means female with vagina and uterus and breasts. Chromosome variations exist, ranging from Turner’s Syndrome (single X) to almost any variation of XXY, XYY and other duplications. Androgen resistance can make someone with XY chromosomes appear female by normative standards. Some babies are born with truly ambiguous genitalia, which in the past has been “treated” with surgical gender reassignment at birth, though the thinking on that is changing and many parents are deciding to let children decide later.2 Comments
I was a little surprised by the depth and breadth of my four year old’s delight at the blue and lime track suit my mother bought for him. He gasped. “It’s everything I ever wanted.” I was bemused and confused, and called my mother. “Tell Grandma what…Leave a Comment